Harem Master
by AndrewSandshrew
Summary: All he wanted was some salt. Instead, he got the greatest harem in television history. Rated T for suggestive material. Chapter 7: The One Where Ash Runs Off To Kanto And Comes Back Even Worse Than Before
1. MISTY

Author Note

The following was born out of a weird idea I had one morning. If you're offended by the idea of Ash and harems, or failed salting, turn back now. Criticism is welcome.

* * *

 _Harem Master_

Chapter 1

...

Ash and Misty sat on opposite ends of the table. The three of them had stopped by the Poké Center for a quick lunch Ash, Brock, and Misty. Except Brock was no where to be found.

"Where do you think he went?" Ash said, peering into the crowd of people.

"Knowing him, it probably has something to do with Nurse Joy," Misty said.

"What would he want with Nurse Joy?"

"Brock has... issues."

"What kind of issues?"

"Just eat your food, Ash."

He sighed. He never did understand why Brock goes crazy whenever he meets a new girl. Maybe that's what living in a family where everyone looks alike does to you.

They in silence until Ash pulled face.

"Something wrong?" Misty said.

"Is it just me or does this rice taste funny to you?"

"Tastes okay to me."

"I don't know " He swallowed. "Could you pass the salt?"

She was about to hand it to him when she stopped.

"Misty?"

"Huh? Oh." She shook her head. "It's nothing. Here."

But she didn't move. He looked at her. Her hand shook with drops of sweat rolling down her face. He blinked. "You okay?"

"Didn't I say it was nothing? I'm fine, Ash. Just let me "

She got up and loosened her hair.

"What are you "

"Shut up and take off your shirt."

"What?"

" _Now_!"

He did as she said and tossed it to the side. She bit her lip.

What the heck was going? he thought. And why did she want me to—

A pair of lips smashed against his.


	2. MAY

Ash and May sat on opposite ends of the table. The four of them had stopped by the Poké Center for a quick lunch – Ash, Brock, May, and Max. Max was still in line. And Brock had disappeared again.

"So, tell more about Kanto," she said.

"Well," Ash said. "It's green. And green. Green as well. And—"

"Green, I know. That's all you've said since we got here. Come to think of it, that's all you've ever said about it."

"No way. I've told you lots about our ice cream."

"Ash, this is serious!"

"Why you want to go to Kanto in the first place?"

"Well, for your information, it's because of… um…"

"It's because Drew's going there as well," said Max, who had just arrived.

She blushed and threw a shrimp at him. He laughed in response.

"You alright, May? Your face is—"

" _Not you too_!"

"Don't worry, Ash. She gets like this when she's got a – _Ack_! Ow... What you do that for?"

"Little brothers need to know when to shut up," she said, popping some food in her mouth.

"You know, this only proves that you have a crush on – _Ah_! Okay, I'll stop!"

Ash gave a little smile and a took clump of rice. His face scrunched. "May, could you pass the salt?"

"Sure thing."

She was about to hand it to when when she stopped. He looked at her and blinked. But before he could say anything she rose to her feet and loosened her hair.

"Sis?"

"Max," she started, and he bolted out the door.

 _This feels oddly fa_ —

A pair of lips smashed against his.


	3. DAWN

A/N

Apologies if this came a bit late. Ran into a bit of Writer's Block a couple of days ago, and it took me a while to get back on track. Now that I am, expect this story to be updated on a weekly basis starting today. Expect Chapter 4 on 12/31.

(P.S – I made some edits to chapters 1 & 2 to flow better with the rest of the story. I hope you wouldn't mind.)

* * *

Ash sat on the end of the table, his stomach rumbling, and Brock had disappeared yet again.

"Hey, so I just saw Brock running out with a suit and rose. And Nurse Joy's gone. You don't think…"

"…She lured him under the pretense of a date where in reality she's planning on yanking his pants and forcing him to succumb to her every will?"

"…He's finally found himself a girlfriend?"

They looked at each other in silence.

"Since when has the word 'date' been a part of your vocabulary?"

"Never mind."

She took a seat in front of him and split her sticks.

"Dawn, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Have you ever been—"

He watched as she rubbed a napkin over her body.

"Sorry. The stupid ketchup got on my shirt," she said. "You were saying?"

"I, um…" He coughed. "Could you pass the salt?"

She slid it to him across the table.

"Oh, by the way, what's a 'girlfr—" He looked around. "Dawn?"

The table flipped over and she jumped out and started ripping his clothes off. She had gotten to his boxers when he threw a hand out and shouted for her to stop. It went quiet.

"So, how do you think Brock's doing?"

She smashed her lips against his.


	4. IRIS

Ash sat on the end of his table, staring at his bowl of rice as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. Iris and Cilan sat in front of him, they both as equally as confused.

"You know, if you don't like how tastes, I could add in some spices," Cilan said.

He didn't say anything. In fact, he hadn't said anything since they arrived. This surprised Iris even more as Ash wasn't the one to keep quiet, especially when there's food in front of him.

"Or salt," Iris suggested. "A pinch of salt wouldn't hu—"

" _No_!" An uncomfortable silence filled the air. "Er, I mean…" He cleared his throat. "I'll just Nurse Joy for some salt."

He ran from there as fast as he could.

"Hello," Nurse Joy said. "What can I—"

"Salt," he said quietly. "Please."

"Is something wrong?"

"No! Everything's alright." He passed a finger across his nose and turned to look at her.

"Sure thing," she said, giving him one more look before going to the back room.

His eyes darted from place to place, always coming back to his table. They were staring right at him. He felt sick.

"Here you go," Joy said, handing him the small packet.

"Thank you," he said and walked back to his table.

"Did you get what you needed?" Cilan said.

"Oh, um, yeah."

As he pulled his chair back, someone lunged at him from the back and pinned him square on the floor. He lifted his head. Nurse Joy hovered over him, hat-less, and red staining her cheeks.

"Ash!" he heard Iris cry. Cilan got Nurse Joy off him, and Iris helped him to his feet.

"You okay?" Iris said.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm—"

She pinned him to the ground and sat on top of him. Nurse Joy then came into his view, a mortified Cilan beside her.

"Why…?"

Their lips smashed against his.


	5. JESSIE

Ash sat outside the Poké Center, his head in his hands, strands of pink and purple hair layered across his body.

"What's he doing?" Jessie said.

"I don't know," James said. "He's just sitting there."

"You think something happened?" Meowth said.

"Sure looks like it, judging by the broken glass and furniture on the ground. Also… is he in his underwear?"

"Must have been some fight."

"Ugh, who cares?" Jessie said. "Do you see Pikachu or not?"

"I think I have those same shorts – _Ugh_!"

She snatched the binoculars from his hands and scanned the area.

"Well, says here he isn't in this story," James said, reading from a script. "And why'd you hit me?"

"What? Let me see that!"

She ran down the list of names then shoved it back to him and got up.

"Thinks he can rid of us that easy, does he?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting that Pikachu, no matter what anyone says!"

They watched as she stomped towards the young boy.

"What's the story called by the way?" Meowth said.

He flipped it over. " _Harem Master._ "

They looked at each other. A pair of pikachu-patterned boxers flew overhead.


	6. SERENA

A/N

Sooooorry for the long delay. I had probably went through four or five drafts before I founded one I liked. 17 days isn't to long right, ha-ha? I'll try not not spend too long for the next one. Anyway, strap yourselves. This is a long one.

* * *

Chapter 5

 _Serena_

—

Serena, Clemont, and Bonnie sat around the table. Serena took a clump of rice and looked around. There was an unusual calm in the air. Not that she minded it of course. With how chaotic everything had been recently with Squishy and Ash-Greninja and those Team Flare guys and what not, a little peace and quiet was more than welcome. Still, she couldn't help but feel something was off. The table was certainly a lot quieter than usual.

"Hey, has anyone seen Ash?" Clemont said.

"Ash?" Serena repeated. Then it hit her. Ash wasn't where he normally sat.

"He was just here a minute ago," Bonnie said.

"Did you see where he went?" Serena asked.

"To the bathroom, I think."

As if on cue, a familiar dark-haired boy ran into the room and to the table, hair messy and a familiar look on his face. Serena recognized it as the the same face he'd have when a new idea came to him during one of his battles. It only made Serena more interested in what he had to say.

"I've figured it out," Ash said.

"Figured out what?" Clemont said.

"The rice," he said. "The rice is why they attack me."

They all traded looks.

"Who's they?" Serena asked.

"You know. Misty, May, Dawn, Iris, Nurse Joy, Je—" He paused for a moment. "My old friends. I've always wondered why they'd suddenly go crazy and attack me when I asked for the salt. So I did some thinking, ran a few experiments here and there, burned through several calories, and lo and behold, the answer came crashing down like a hyper-charged Thunderbolt."

"This sounds oddly familiar," Clemont said. Bonnie let out a sigh.

Ash stepped onto the table and reached his hand out. "Serena?"

"Yes Ash?" She gulped. Was he going to say what she thought he was going to say?

"It's you," he said. "The answer is you."

A silence fell upon the table.

"Ash, what's that red thing on your cheek?" Bonnie said.

"Huh?"

"It looks like... a kiss mark," Clemont said. He looked up at him.

"Kiss mark?" Ash felt his cheek. "Oh, that. Miette must have done that when she kissed me."

" _M-Miette_?!" the two of them said.

Something snapped in the background.

"Yeah," Ash said. "I ran into her on my way to the bathroom. Figured I'd test my theory with someone I knew. Serena, by the way—"

A palm came into his view, and his head shot to the side with an ear-piercing sound.

The room was quiet. He turned around to find Serena facing him, tears rolling down her face.

"Serena," he started, then felt his cheek. Some of the lipstick smeared onto his fingers. Not to mention the burning pain that came after.

"That's one way of putting it," said a sleepy voice behind them. Serena recognized it immediately. Miette stood behind them, hair loose and unkempt, and a testy look on her face. Her clothes looked as if they had been tugged at violently, and there was traces of red lipstick smeared to the side of her face. Her very appearance made Serena feel something she never had felt before. Fear? Jealousy? Anger? No, not anger. Hatred. Pure, unadulterated hatred. The kind she thought she only saw in cartoons.

As Miette there, her face and body evident of what had happened in the bathroom a few minutes prior, her mind raced with a slew of thoughts and images. Ash's rough hand sliding up her leg, the door locked, the gleeful looks on their faces. And they'd mock her. What about Serena? Miette would say. Who? Ash would say. And then she'd drown him in a sea of kisses.

 _We'll be traveling together from now on, right Serena_? Yeah right.

She tore the blue ribbon off her chest and stared at it.

He played me, she thought. _From the very beginning. It was all just a game to him. And then he had the never to say I was his answer right after fucking the damn slut seconds prior. No more._

She clenched it in her hand. Giving the two one last look, she slammed the ribbon hard the table and proceeded to walk away. A grim silence fell over the entire room.

No more, she thought. _I am officially done with Ash Ketchum._

"That was... something," Miette said. She climbed onto Ash's shoulders and snatched a kiss from his speechless form.

 _...Fuck it._

Serena kicked her hat and shirt and lunged at the two.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 _The One Where—_ Fuck. Just read the description.

* * *

Serena wasn't the answer.

Ash held an ice pack to his head, his head throbbing with dull pain.

"You look terrible."

He looked up. Miette stood before him, hair wild and in nothing but a dress shirt and a pair of underwear. He would have probably taken another go at her if it wasn't for his headache, and his sheer cluelessness when it came to the opposite sex. As far as he knew, sex was something that occurred when you asked a girl for salt during lunch time. Which was strange, considering he remembered Brock tried something similar with Nurse Joy back in… Johto…

"Ash?"

"Huh?"

"You awake?" Miette blinked.

"Awake?"

"You blacked out for a second there."

"Blacked… out…?" And then it hit him. "That's it!"

He jumped to his feet and ran out the building.

"What? H-hey!" Miette chased after him, catching up to him by the exit. "Where are you going?" she called out.

"To where it all started!"

"Where what started?"

But he had already disappeared into the thick night.

"Call me," she said, to no one in particular. She sighed and leaned against the door frame, the sound of the rain's gentle patter filling her ears.

"Where's he's going?" drawled a sleepy voice behind her.

"You're up late," Miette said.

"How long was I out?" Serena rubbed her messy head.

"About a day." Miette gestured towards her. "What's with the jacket?"

"Jacket?"

Serena looked down to find herself dressed in Ash's blue and white jacket. Her eyes shot open and an intense blush crept up her face, causing her turn back out of reflex.

Miette smiled. "Same old Serena I see."

"Shut up," she said. "I'm still mad at you."

"Where was that last night?"

Her blush deepened and she lunged at her, Miette's laughter filling the empty Pokémon Center.

* * *

"Nurse Joy!" Ash called into the busy Pokémon Center.

"Yes?" Nurse Joy said. "What can I do for you, young man?"

"Do you know where Misty is?"

"Misty?"

"Yeah. Tall, red hair, prone to violence and verbal abuse?" Ash said. "Carries a giant wooden mallet that she pulls out of nowhere?"

"Oh yeah," Nurse Joy said. "You two were those kids I kicked out that one time for having sex on the table."

"What's sex?"

"Last I heard, she went back to Kanto and became the leader of the Cerulean City gym."

"The Cerulean Gym, of course!" He snapped his fingers. "Why didn't I think of that before?"

He hit the counter and ran out the door.

"Good luck!" Nurse Joy said. "Say hi to Brock for me!"

* * *

"Misty!"

Misty turned to find a familiar face standing before her.

"Ash?" she said. "Ash, is that really you?"

She jumped down her tall chair and ran to give her old friend a hug.

"Hold on," she said. "How come your hair's not all poofy?"

"Poofy?"

"Never mind." She patted her white jacket and one-piece swimsuit. "So, what brings you back to Kanto? Did you lose another league?"

"Same old Misty I see."

She smiled.

"No, it's actually about that time in the Pokémon Center."

"What time in the Pokémon Center?"

"When Nurse Joy kicked us out."

Her face darkened.

"You remember," he said. "When I asked you for the salt and you—"

A pair of lips smashed against his.

* * *

"Prima! Prima, help, Misty's gone crazy, and she won't stop kissing me— _Eeee_!"

"It's Lorelei actually," Lorelei said. "And it looks like this girl likes you a lot."

"Ack! No! Misty! Not the neck! Stop! AH!"

"You haven't by any chance did anything that caused her to act like this, have you?"

"Well, I might have—brought up some painful memories."

"Painful memories?"

"For me—at least. _No_! Bad Misty! Off! _Off_!"

"What did you say?"

He whispered something in her ear.

"That's it?" Lorelei asked.

"That's it."

She wrapped her legs around his face.

* * *

Officer Jenny was out paroling doing officer things when she saw a wild-looking boy not too far off with ragged clothes and kiss marks going from his face to his—

Her vehicle screeched to a halt. "Young man!"

The boy looked at her and stopped.

"Yeah, you!" Jenny said. "I need to ask you a few questions!"

He gaze bounced from place to place. He must have saw something that frightened him because he eyes widened and he started running towards her.

"Hands where I can see them!"

"They're here!" the boy said. "They're here, they're here, oh god they're here!"

"What? Who's here?"

"I've got to hide, you've got to hide. If not, they'll—" Something caught his eye. "GET DOWN!"

An explosion erupted behind them, and Jenny was sent to the ground with the boy on top.

"Oh, _Aaaash_ …" sang a female voice.

"Prima?" Jenny said.

"How the hell did they find me?" the boy said. "I thought I lost them back in the Orange Islands."

"Whose are these they you keep—Hold on a sec. 'Ash'?"

"Huh?"

"'Ash' as in 'Ash _Ketchum_ '?"

"Yeah?"

She drew her gun.

"What are you—"

"You give Brock this message."

* * *

"I sure hope Ash is okay," Serena said, her head propped against Miette's bare chest. "You don't think he's in trouble or anything, do you?"

"I'm sure he's fine." Miette twirled a lock of Serena's hair. "This is Ash we're talking about. He gets off on that stuff."

She looked up at her.

"Trouble," Miette said. "He gets off on trouble."

She nodded and looked back down. That seemed to satisfy her.

Miette sighed and looked out the window. The rain had long since died down and a rainbow ran across the sky, its bright colors giving off an almost otherworldly feel.

If Ash is okay, she thought, chuckling to herself. _Like he's ever okay. Knowing him, he's probably being held at gunpoint as we speak._

"Something the matter?" Serena asked.

"Huh? Oh. Nothing."

They went back to their love-making session.


End file.
